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You know that's what avocados are, right? Unicorn eggs.

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Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States?

A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as...

via: Anti Joke
I think I shit myself

via: Anti-Pickup Line
Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

via: Clarksonisms

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