I have to piss so bad that I cant piss.

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I'm just going to slip it into my mouth...

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Please help me. I've never had to take a shit so badly in my life.

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You mean G as in Jose'?

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I was the bottom, there was nowhere else for it to go

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There's not enough room, I can't fit; I can only give about 10 inches.

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It's never okayto drug a baby.

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I like sucking on it.

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I can eat it off of the desk with my mouth, if you prefer.

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Don't cross the streams, I learned that from Ghostbusters.

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No matter where you put it, it keeps making maps.

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Potentially problematic, but technically possible.

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Sorry for being late, I got caught in a fax machine.

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At this point, the soup is under control.

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Don't perpetuate the stupidity.

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I need to get some work done.

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CRACK! ...Oh god! I can't use that as a joke anymore, can I? Sorry! But seriously, I'm sober.

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The Amish are coming.

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He must have been a drug dealer! He held the door open for me.

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My boner rendered you speechless.

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Stop poking each other!" "That's what the prison guard said.

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but they only do hardcore peircings, no studs. so i went to claire's

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I'll go in the back because I can't fit in the front.

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It's funny, because you slid it in.

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Quoted Coworkers