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Please help me. I've never had to take a shit so badly in my life.

I have to piss so bad that I cant piss.

Sorry for being late, I got caught in a fax machine.

I can eat it off of the desk with my mouth, if you prefer.

but they only do hardcore peircings, no studs. so i went to claire's

You know that's what avocados are, right? Unicorn eggs.

The Amish are coming.

You mean G as in Jose'?

I'll go in the back because I can't fit in the front.

There's not enough room, I can't fit; I can only give about 10 inches.

I was the bottom, there was nowhere else for it to go

It's funny, because you slid it in.

No matter where you put it, it keeps making maps.

I like sucking on it.

Don't perpetuate the stupidity.

Don't cross the streams, I learned that from Ghostbusters.

At this point, the soup is under control.

Potentially problematic, but technically possible.

Stop poking each other!" "That's what the prison guard said.

I need to get some work done.

He must have been a drug dealer! He held the door open for me.

According to my own monitoring, billions of persons all over the world receive the personal loans from different banks. Therefore, there's great possibilities to receive a small business loan in any country.

It's never okayto drug a baby.

CRACK! ...Oh god! I can't use that as a joke anymore, can I? Sorry! But seriously, I'm sober.

Quoted Coworkers