Please help me. I've never had to take a shit so badly in my life.

According to my own monitoring, billions of persons all over the world receive the personal loans from different banks. Therefore, there's great possibilities to receive a small business loan in any country.

Sorry for being late, I got caught in a fax machine.

CRACK! ...Oh god! I can't use that as a joke anymore, can I? Sorry! But seriously, I'm sober.

I have to piss so bad that I cant piss.

You know that's what avocados are, right? Unicorn eggs.

It's funny, because you slid it in.

Did someone knows where the processing cart is?

I'm just going to slip it into my mouth...

You mean G as in Jose'?

I was the bottom, there was nowhere else for it to go

There's not enough room, I can't fit; I can only give about 10 inches.

It's never okayto drug a baby.

I like sucking on it.

I can eat it off of the desk with my mouth, if you prefer.

Don't cross the streams, I learned that from Ghostbusters.

No matter where you put it, it keeps making maps.

Potentially problematic, but technically possible.

At this point, the soup is under control.

Don't perpetuate the stupidity.

I need to get some work done.

The Amish are coming.

He must have been a drug dealer! He held the door open for me.

My boner rendered you speechless.

Quoted Coworkers