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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

via: Anti Joke
Man: So, what's your sign?

Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

via: Anti-Pickup Line
I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping...

via: Clarksonisms