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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his...

via: Anti Joke
That outfit looks great on you..
.. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

via: Anti-Pickup Line
I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

via: Clarksonisms