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What did little jimmy get for Christmas?

A box containing the malevolent soul of a 10,000 year-old demon determined to torment his cat.

via: Anti Joke
Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

via: Anti-Pickup Line
Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win...

via: Clarksonisms