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How do you steal candy from a baby?

You ask nicely.

via: Anti Joke
Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love?
Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

via: Anti-Pickup Line
Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound:

It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

via: Clarksonisms