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How do you lose your train of thought? You can't. It is impossible to fit a full size locomotive in the human skull.

via: Anti Joke
Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me?

mirror: *shatters*

Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me...

via: Anti-Pickup Line
Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

via: Clarksonisms