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the person above me ^ lost his virginity to a howler monkey and the person below me was his gay friend untill he found out...

via: Anti Joke
-Are you an angel?

-Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so...

via: Anti-Pickup Line
The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

via: Clarksonisms