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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead..
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled...

via: Anti Joke
-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

via: Anti-Pickup Line
Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

via: Clarksonisms